


Stick a Toe In

by 3littleowls



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: BAMF John, Friends to Lovers, Implied Drug Abuse, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Sickfic, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-18 06:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/876478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3littleowls/pseuds/3littleowls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can’t stand to make an issue of a <em>feeling</em>, but he would be a fool to deny the evidence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fills a Songfic prompt. My selected song is "Stick a Toe In" by Dinosaur Jr. Dinosaur Jr doesn't officially publish lyrics. Since the sites I could just link to are laughably inaccurate, Chapter Two is the full lyrics to the song. I do quote the lyrics directly in the fic, so you may want to check it out if you are interested in author inspiration.

Sherlock carefully takes inventory of his mind palace and then isolates the sensation that has been nagging at him. He identifies it, cross checks with available references and classifies it as love. He can’t stand to make an issue of a _feeling_ , but he would be a fool to deny the evidence. 

Sherlock reached a decision. It is ridiculous to continue to pine after his heart’s desire like a teenager. He is aware of the consequences of expressing his affection. Rejection. Possibly the loss of his best friend. The risk however, seems worth it. He is surprised he can even feel love, and not sure it will be possible to do so again for another. He doesn’t want to waste it.

“John,” Sherlock starts. No time like the present.

“Hmm?” John looks up from the programme he’s watching.

“I have been preoccupied with distracting and distressing thoughts as of late. Upon analysis, these ruminations that have been slipping through my mind seem to fit into one category. I am quite sure I have fallen in love.”

John blinks. “Really? Sherlock....wow. That’s good. Good for you.”

“I am pleased to hear you say so, since I am in love with you.”

John goggles at him. “What?”

“Repeating myself is boring. I’m in love with you. Your abortive attempts at dating have failed dramatically. You seek out and desire to be in love. I have expressed my interest. The next step would be for us to attempt to enter into a relationship. I have never been involved with someone romantically, but it may be worth a try.”

John just stares dumbfounded. His flatmate has well and surely cracked. “Yeah. Well. It’s too late for me to deal with you being a nutter. I’m tired. I’m going to head up to bed.”

Sherlock watches him go up to his room and hears him firmly shut the door. He will just have to find another way to make John understand. Time for stage two of his plan.

####

Sherlock’s head snaps back and he has to catch himself on the counter as he stumbles. Pain blooms hot across his cheek.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” John shouts, rubbing his knuckles. His infuriating flatmate just crowded him against the refrigerator and kissed him. He pulled the full force of the punch, but really there is only so much a man can take.

Sherlock is pressing at the side of his face. “I told you last night!”

“I am not to be experimented on Sherlock! If this is some kind of sick joke or weird exploration into human relationships, just stop it. Stop it right now.”

Sherlock just stares at John with strange expression on his face. John would swear if it was anyone else besides Sherlock, he would describe it as pained disappointment.

“Right, well. I’m going to the clinic.” 

####  


_It isn’t an experiment. -SH_  
 _You should be home by now. -SH_  
 _Where did you get to?-SH  
_

####

John takes his time returning to Baker Street after his shift in the clinic. He doesn’t know exactly what to say to his crazy-arsed flatmate. This is, after all, an unexpected turn of events and he’s out of his depth on how to handle it.

It is too much to hope for that he could come home and find that everything has just blown over.

“John!” Sherlock hops up and crowds into his space before he can even get his coat off. A large bruise has darkened on his cheekbone from where John hit him.

“Oi, hey. That looks like it hurts.” John brushes his fingers over the bruise and Sherlock winces and pulls back. John is flooded with an intense sense of guilt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to clock you that hard. Let me get settled and I’ll take a look at it.”

Sherlock shrugs. “I’m fine.”

“I will only take a minute for me to have a look.”

Sherlock hops up on his chair and waits for John to put away his outerwear and wash his hands. He likes it when he comes in close and wraps his strong fingers on his chin, turning his face so to get the bruise in the light. He flutters his eyelashes shut and wishes John would kiss him instead.

John very carefully presses along Sherlock’s cheek. His eyes snap open again. “Ow.”

“It looks fine. You should have put some ice on it, but it’s a bit too late now. I can get you some paracetamol?” John drops his hands and Sherlock mourns their absence.

“I said I was fine. Kissing you wasn’t an experiment, John.” 

John sits down on the opposite chair and rubs his hands over his face. “Look, I’m flattered really. I’m sure you’ve noticed I date women, right?”

“Does it really matter that much? You deserve to have someone love you. I love you. It seems simple.”

John just stares at him a minute. “It matters to most people. A lot of us have distinct preferences there, so yeah.” 

“Maybe if you thought more about the possibilities instead of dismissing them out of hand. Have you ever tried to be physically affectionate with a man?” 

“Er, no. Like I have been trying to tell you I’m not interested.”

“You are working with incomplete data!” Sherlock flutters his hands about. “You could stick a toe in and see if your assumptions are correct.”

John rolls his eyes. “Look. I know this has to be confusing to you, but let me explain something. We are very close friends. I care about you yes, like a brother.” Sherlock makes a face and John corrects, “Not like your brother. You know what I mean. I think you are getting your wires crossed between affection with a good friend and what you would feel with a lover. It’s understandable.”

Sherlock leans back and steeples his fingers over his chin. “So you are rejecting me.”

John sighs. “We’re not dating, Sherlock. Can we just move along from this?”

Sherlock doesn't reply and sits lost in thought for the rest of the evening. 

####

Sherlock barely eats or sleeps for two weeks. He ignores John as much as he can and plays the violin late into the night. The music is sad and wretched, and it tortures John to hear it.

John knows what he needs to do.

####

“Sherlock, I wanted to give you notice that I’m going to be moving out,” John tells him the next morning.

“You can’t be serious.”

John nods grimly. “Look, it’s not like I want to. This infatuation of yours is affecting your health. It’s probably better for you not to see me every day. We can still work on cases and such, but I think a little distance is best.”

Sherlock looks shocked. “I didn’t see this coming. You are unpredictable, John.” It takes him a moment to reset his expression back to schooled indifference. 

####  


_John -SH_  
 _John -SH_  
 _John -SH_

_What it is?_

_The skull isn’t a very good listener. -SH_

_I’ve only been gone one night. Give it a chance._  


####

John doesn’t hear from his lovelorn ex-flatmate for three days. It’s a bit of a relief not to be hounded by a stream of text messages. If he can keep it up, he will call and invite him out for a Chinese or something, just to make sure he realizes that they are still friends. It will be nice to see him, after all.

His mobile rings, shaking him out of his thoughts. He picks up, “Hello Greg.”

“Hey John, I hate to bother you, but Sherlock just left a crime scene a few minutes ago. I know you found your own place last week, but do you think you could check in on him?”

John’s gut goes cold. “Is there something wrong?”

“Something, yeah but he won’t say.” Greg pauses for a minute. “He was out of it. You know he has a lot to tempt him. We might be looking at a danger night.”

“Oh, shit. I’ll head over to Baker Street as soon as my shift is over.”

“Thanks.”

####

When John climbs the stairs to his old flat, he finds Sherlock sprawled on the sofa in his dressing gown, insensate. Panic flutters in John’s chest and he shoves it down, he was an Army doctor after all and losing his head isn’t an option.

He takes Sherlock’s pulse. His heartbeat is a bit too fast but regular. He slides his hand up to push back the sleeve of the red silk gown. John is relieved to find smooth alabaster skin instead of angry red punctures or a collection of nicotine patches.

Sherlock stirs and blinks awake.

“Sherlock.” John says relieved. “Tell me, have you taken something?” 

Sherlock looks perplexed and squeezes his eyelids shut and opens them again. “Hmmm?”

“Drugs, have you taken anything?” John places his hand over Sherlock’s forehead. He doesn't have a fever but he is clammy with sweat.

“No...what...what is going on?” Sherlock is struggling to sit up. He looks like he’s going to faint, his face draining of color.

“Something is certainly wrong. Did you hit your head?” 

“Um. Don’t think so,” he slurs. 

“Hey, stay with me. Put your head between your knees. Here.” John guides him down and feels little tremors run through his arms. John gets an idea and he reaches over for his doctor’s bag; it contains some of his personal equipment he prefers over the clinic's supply. He digs around and finds a glucose meter and a sterile lancet and pokes into one of Sherlock’s unresisting fingers. He gathers a drop of blood on a test strip and puts it in the meter.

John sighs when the meter beeps the result. “You moron. When was the last time you ate?”

“I dunno,” Sherlock mumbles.

John goes into the kitchen and finds a jar of jam. “Here you berk, eat a few spoons of this. I’m going to order takeaway.”

####

When John hangs up the phone, Sherlock is still weakly struggling with the jar lid. John takes it away from him and pops it open. “I’m going to have to feed you like the child you are, aren’t I?" John stirs the jam a bit and spoons several helpings into Sherlock’s mouth. “You scared the living shite out of me. When I came up the stairs I thought....well I thought it was really bad.”

Sherlock makes a noncommittal noise and slides back down into the sofa. John finds his hand resting on Sherlock’s forearm, rubbing comforting circles with his fingers while they wait for the sugar to hit his system. His skin is surprisingly soft, John notes as his thoughts tumble and churn.

“Sherlock, you need to take better care of yourself.” Sherlock’s eyes are closed again and John brushes a stray curl off his forehead. “I mean, I’m not sure what I would do if something happened to you, you know? I don’t think I could take it.”

John hears his own words echo through the quiet flat. The grandfather clock ticks many minutes as he considers the full truth of what he has just confessed. Slowly, his declaration sinks in and takes root.

“Oh,” John gasps. Sherlock slides his eyes open when John takes his hand.

“I’m wrong,” John says, breathlessly.


	2. Lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This song is property of Dinosaur Jr from their album _Bet on Sky_.  
>  You can hear it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNm_8SgsqXA

Stick a Toe In  
by Dinosaur Jr

 

Can I walk alone  
Can I stick a toe in, only to think it’s fine  
How far should I go  
Will it be enough to feel it slipping through my mind

It’s time I check the plan, can I meet you understand  
Take my hand, don’t let me cheat you of a feeling  
You deserve it again

Can I go to bed  
I’m feeling really tired right after something that you said  
Slap me hard instead  
seems like the best way to clear the cobwebs off my head

It’s time I check the plan  
Can I meet you understand  
Take my hand, don’t let me cheat you of a feeling  
You deserve it again

I’ve got lots to tempt me, please don’t let me  
Let’s just assume I was wrong  
I’ve got so much face it, I will waste it  
Now put me where I belong

I’ve got lots to tell you, where’d you get to?  
I need a friend to be strong  
I’ve gone over your head, kick me instead  
At least, can you help me along again?

Can I walk alone  
can I take a sip or is it just to much to know  
How much should I show  
will it be enough to feel it ‘til it’s time to go

It’s time I check the plan, can I meet you understand  
Take my hand, don’t let me cheat you of a feeling  
You deserve it again

Tell me where to go, should I meet you, I don’t know  
I can’t stand to make an issue of a feeling  
Let me know, should we go

I’ve got lots to tempt me, please don’t let me  
Let’s just assume I was wrong  
I’ve got so much face it, I will waste it  
Now put me where I belong

I don’t know where I went, see you’re upset  
Please, can’t you sing me a song  
I’ve exploded your head, kick me instead  
At least, can you have me along?

I’m wrong, I’m wrong, I’m wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to 4mpersand and gowerstreet for beta. I would be lost without my betas.


End file.
